The Fall

I could never talk about how much I truly loved my mom when I lived in California without crying. It wasn’t because I loved her so much, but because I was faced with all the wounds that made it impossible to really love her while feeling bitterness. I was bitter at the mistakes that she made, I was bitter about the fights, and most of all, I was bitter because I knew that the flaws that both she and I had prevented us from having a perfect love. The kind of love that we both deserved, but even more, the love that she deserved as my mother; as my parent.

I believe that is why God separated Adam and Eve–man–from Himself. Why didn’t he just ground them or discipline them in the Garden of Eden? Because he knew their hearts, and he knew that we all, as fallen humans, could not truly love him without the distance and absence of Him being fully present and TANGIBLE in our lives.

My relationship with my mom has grown infinitely since I moved to New York. I can sit, think, and talk about how much I love her without crying. Because the distance has slowly healed us, both her and I. And although our love and relationship has healed so much, I know in my heart that for us to truly be able to perfectly love each other, we must be together loving each other.

And that is God’s plan. The separation from Him has taught us how much we need Him, how much He has done for us, how the people that we are today is through his undying, giving, merciful, parental love for us. But that is not all! He does not simply benefit our relationship and two-way love for each other in the distance, but He promises that we will be together again, in which our love will be perfect.

I believe that is why he has given us Earthly parents when He is the truly Father. To use each other biblically and faithfully in order to learn what true love us, and to learn how imperfect and not entirely true our present love is.

When I talk to my mom on the phone, even though our phone calls never exceed five minutes, I know how much I truly love, appreciate, and miss her by recognizing all she has done for me, all the plans and hopes she has had for me to not harm me, but to grow me into a good human being.

When I know God better, when I pray to Him through this Heaven-and-Earth separation, I realize so much more that He makes more sense than anyone, anything else in the world. Although He does surpass all of our capacities to understand His philosophy, His logic, and His genius, I understand that He makes sense even in my own limited mind. He is perfect, He is love, and He is God.