Thanks, John

There’s an obsession with purity that we all crave. Even the rebels who dress and swear like how counter-culturalists are supposed to dress and swear want that purity, that consistency. They create blogs and fill them with images of naked women with supermodel bodies smoking cigarettes and snorting coke. They religiously reblog quotations of how religion and standards ruin the life of anyone who buys into them. Anything else that consistently upholds their identity–as long as there isn’t a speck of white salt in their black pepper.

What I’m trying to get at is I’ve been reluctant to post anything in this damn blog because I didn’t want it to be tainted with a single entry that would stumble and trip up this vision and hope that I’ve been striving for. Photographs taken with the most basic of make-things-look-pretty DLSR lenses are foolproof and require no risk of words. Incredibly short entries are, in fact, very personal and beautiful for me, but they’re an easier way out from fully textualizing my other buzzing, ongoing, daily thoughts.

The point is, perhaps for this new year, I will try to write in this as often as I can.

In my defense, there is one other legitimate reason for my lack of postings. Last semester, I engaged in the Daily Discipline of Writing in my private Moleskine journal, and it was actually an incredibly successful and fantastic development of my identity as a writer. I did not feel the need to write publicly because I was having my own love affair, between myself and my physical pages.

But here is to taking another step forward in the journey of writing. To writing. To prove to myself that there is no such thing as literally having nothing to write, because here I am, writing out that I have nothing to write. To admitting to myself that there is nothing pure under the sun, and it is in this confession and relinquishing to weakness that I am able to finally move forward. To understanding just a little more that He knows we will have flecks of dirt on our play-clothes, and He is prepared to wipe them off with strong and loving hands.

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2 thoughts on “Thanks, John

  1. Doris,

    I absolutely lost this post. It is beautifully and gracefully written. It has a hint of dark, anger at the beginning, but you had me laughing out loud at the end.

    “…there is no such thing as literally having nothing to write, because here I am, writing out that I have nothing to write.”

    That line is amazing.

    Whats next?

    -CT

    ps. hope that nail polish got fixed

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